On Divorce and Chastity

I’ve been thinking today about chastity in relation to spiritual and mental development.

I am going through a divorce from my wife Sinclaire, and one of the contributing factors to my initiating separation was an abusive approach from her in discussions and interactions around sex. What started as a series of control measures in withholding sex, turned to an accusation of sexual assault against me. All of this got worse after months of me not caving to my ex-wife’s absurd demands. She isolated me mentally, emotionally, and physically to try to control me, and further even taunted me, but I resisted control without retaliating. I still love my ex-wife and felt a duty to care for her despite the abuse. I wouldn’t normally publish this publicly, but Sinclaire made false accusations about me 4-5 times throughout our marriage to attempt to control and then silence or get rid of me (it seems unfortunately to have been about money the whole time), and now during the divorce she has started more false claims against me that are on public record. Most people won’t read all of the court documents, but rumors will spread. This is the exact reason I told her that her false accusation of sexual assault was so bad, even if she recanted it (which she did — and she told me she would sign an affidavit confirming that it never happened, and further told me that she recognized her behavior of me was abuse and that it looked like she was having an affair). This period in 2024 was so severe, that separation and divorce was my only choice by April 2025.

Since that time, I have remained chaste and have avoided all dating and hooking up during a time that I needed to process and heal from everything that happened. I wrote a letter to a hypothetical future spouse, and I hoped that God would enable me to meet and become friends with her. I feared my ability to maintain chastity and stability after such an abusive period. But instead, God gave me strength and stability that I didn’t know I was capable of. Despite temptations while traveling, I have now made it through over a year of chastity, through devotion only to Lord God in heaven above and his plan. It hasn’t been easy, but it was the best path.

I believe that longterm commitment with sex is best for the soul, the mind, and the spirit. That doesn’t mean that short relationships are inherently bad. But I do believe that fully appreciating the responsibility of sharing sexual interaction with another human is critical for longterm human health.

As the year comes to a close, I am eager to finish with the divorce and look for a spouse. It may be a long journey ahead, but I am confident that God has someone out there for me. When I do finally begin dating and get engaged and remarry one day in the future, I know this challenging journey will all have been worth it.